I'm fat.

And I don't mean the p-h-a-t kind. I mean the real f-a-t kind.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I need to lose about 50 pounds or so to get back to where I was at my lowest weight... And for some reason I have NO motivation. You would think that staying healthy for my baby or wanting a career in law enforcement would be enough. But no. It's not. I continue to eat bad food and too much of it. I don't exercise.

What happened?? I used to workout every morning. I'd lose 2-3 pounds a week. Now, after gaining 20 baby weight pounds (I've lost 40lbs water) I KNOW what I need to do. But I don't do it.

When I look in the mirror, I see a somewhat skinny face. But then I see a picture of me and I want to puke. I am a few pounds heavier than I was at my previous highest weight and it makes me sick. Why can't I just get with the program already????

duh

I started to write an entry earlier today and I realized that the only thing I was typing about was Ronyn. Didn't I say that this site was to be for me? Funny how babies can take up every thought you have, isn't it?

Now don't get me wrong. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. But I do not want to be one of those moms who talks about nothing but my child. I've read that, to keep your sanity as a parent, you need a life outside of the home - and I totally agree. I have tried to do that by playing softball on Tuesday nights. It is fun and all but I'd rather stay home with the family. Major contradiction, I know. I'm a work in progress.

We are so very excited for this weekend!! 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays! The past few years we have gone to our friends Chris & Jen's house to celebrate. But we can't go this year... we're going to Mike & Tracy's instead. It will be a good time as always. Sunday Tom & I are going to St. Louis for the Cubs/Cards game. I got him tickets in the Champion's Club for Christmas. We are so very excited!!! Monday morning we're going to Indianapolis... more to come on that later. I don't want to jinx anything.

what to write?

After making my last post I thought about all the things I could type out... and of course I have now forgotten most of it. Lots of stuff going through my head right now and I cannot for the life of me figure out a way to get it out. I have noticed that that is what happens when I try to be creative. I told you, I'm not good at this.

I have recently discovered a new favorite musician - Katy Perry. You've probably heard of her new single, "I kissed a girl." That's a catchy tune and all but there are some other OUTSTANDING songs on the album. I highly recommend checking her out.

Moving on to more important topics - our daughter!!! Ronyn Scarlett. She was born February 9, 2008 on her grandpa's birthday. I cannot believe that she is about 10 days away from being five months old. The time has FLOWN by!!! She has been such a blessing and she amazes us every single day. There is always something new!

Tom and I have now been married for 8 months or so... crazy to think that I had once thought I'd never be a wife. Add the title of 'mother' to that and I'm still a bit freaked. I once heard that after you get married everything changes - and in some cases, that's true. But I think that if you continue to love and support one another every day there is nothing you can't do together! We have lots of decisions to make about a lot of things but I know that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

where has the time gone?

So I honestly forgot that I had a blog... and then the other day my friend Emily's myspace post reminded me of this "hobby" that I tried to get myself into last year.

I am not a writer. Never claimed to be. But I will do my best at trying to use this site as an outlet for my thoughts, feelings, and quite honestly - randomness. And in the meantime, I'll try to let you all know what is going on with me.

My daughter arrived this year... HOLY CRAP! I have a baby. Tom and I are still in shock. Anyway. I have a website that gives all kinds of info and updates on her (click on picture at right to see) but I think I might need my own. So here you go.

There will most likely be another long and quite random post from me later today. It's time to get my design updated.

holy crap-o-lah

I. am. married. MARRIED!!!!! I have a husband and a new life ahead of me - it is so VERY amazing. I am still in shock but am so very excited!!!

Yesterday was the most PERFECT day... and being surrounded by the people who mean the most to us made it that much better. We couldn't have asked for anything more. Everything was just perfect, perfect, perfect.

fall

Odie and I went for a walk tonight, and when we got to the end of our street I smelled it: FALL!!!

Fall has GOT to be my most favorite season. I love the smells, sights, and sounds of these next few months. The faint scent of burning leaves, the changing of the leaves, and the crunch of said leaves, twigs, etc... Apple cider, bon fires with friends, cool weather, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and this year, my wedding!

Oh how I love this time of year. It makes me so very happy!!!

gosh

I keep forgetting that I have one of these blog thingies. I suppose I should write more often if I'm going to keep it... But anywho

Once again, there has been lots going on. I've had my first and second bridal showers already. They were SO incredibly wonderful!!! My future mother-in-law threw one for me about 2 weeks ago and my mom & grandma gave me one yesterday. We received so many wonderful presents!!! The best part about the showers though was knowing that people care and love me. Well, that and knowing that I am welcomed into Tom's family. It's such a nice feeling!

The wedding is about one month and 3 days away... I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! Time has gone by soooooo fast! Lots to do, lots to do!

We are supposed to go to the DR next week to get our next sonogram but I've been having some issues this past week so I'm going to try to get in today. I hope everything's ok!!!