goodbye babbles

I have been saying goodbye an awful lot this week and it is starting to make me a little sad. I am going to miss my family here at CPD! The guys are like my big brothers... it is unlike anything I have ever known. There are a few that I've grown attached to and it will be sad to not see them anymore.

We are thrilled to be moving, don't get me wrong. But saying goodbye is always a little heart-aching.

anyone?

So I have noticed that I haven't been posting lately like I said I was going to.

I wonder... does anyone actually read this?

grandma.

When I was a little girl one of my most favorite things to every summer was spend time at my Grandma's house over in eastern Illinois. I would get to go visit with her and my Grandpa for at least one week every year. Heck, sometimes two.

One of the best things about her house was waking up in the morning. From the moment you woke up you could smell the fresh air and breakfast cooking in the kitchen. Grandma's kitchen was bright and airy and the floor was always chilly when you stepped in. The coffee was always on and Grandpa was always sitting in his chair at the table by the window. That site and smell will forever be etched into my memory.

Today at work I opened the window in my office. It didn't take long for me to notice the smell coming through: Grandma's house. The fresh air and coffee smell made me miss my Grandma. And every time I think about her I hurt just as much (if not more) as the day she suddenly passed.

Words cannot describe how badly I miss her.

I love you, Grandma. And I miss you even more.

the hills are alive ....

With the sound of music... Or just the breeze blowing through our windows!!! I am loving the weather today! It's so nice to have the windows open and not be cooped up in this house. I love fresh air, sunlight, etc... but Tom says we have to keep the blinds closed when it's super hot out. So I am rather happy right now. Woo! :)

Might be going to the State Fair parade tonight. It will be my first. Not sure what the fuss is all about but I suppose I'll find out. Hope it's worth it. :)

Going up north this weekend for the mother-in-law's birthday (it's today). Should be a good time... I haven't seen her or great Gram for months now. Unlike some women, I actually like my in-laws. Which is still weird to say... 'in-laws.' Oh yeah. I'm married.

Lots of baby news... Check out her site if you'd like.

once again...

It has been a while.

Sometimes I don't know why I start things like this. I never keep them up to date. But whatever.

Not a whole lot has been going on. I'm still fat. Still a mom. Still a wife. Working on the still being fat part though. This baby weight (plus the other God only knows how many pounds I've gained on top of that) has really got to go. I've finally decided to give up chocolate cold turkey. It's the only way this flab will disappear. And yes, I've known that the whole time I've been shoving it into my mouth. I just needed to get a grip and stop. It has finally happened.

In other news... well, there isn't much.

Tom and I finally had a date night this past Friday. But of course, as usual, I found out the day before that I had to be at work four hours early the day after our date. That *ALWAYS* happens when Tom and I are finally able to go out. And no, it's not like it happens every weekend. But Tom and I only get to go out once every few months so it just seems like it's ALL THE TIME.

Man, we REALLY need an evening babysitter so we can go out more.

a new me. well, maybe.

So I'm really trying to do better with the whole weight loss thing. I've lost two pounds since Monday so I guess I'm doing well. Woo!!! Now I just need to start working out.

We had a nice trip to St. Louis on Sunday... Even though I'm not a Cards fan I HIGHLY recommend the Champion's Club there at Busch Stadium. I am forever spoiled. No more regular seats for me. High class all the way! :)

Indy went well. And we got to visit friends. Always fun.

My little sister is coming over today... I've been looking forward to it! Funny how things change when you get older. When we were growing up we practically hated each other. Then I went away to college and things changed, which was good. I've always felt like a mom to my siblings instead of a big sister. And we're not close at all. I need to make a better effort at changing that.

I cannot believe that she is going to be 5 months old this week.

Amazing.

still fat.

We were at Mike & Tracy's last night celebrating the 4th.

Needless to say, I ate too much of food that was WAY too bad for me.

And now I feel like complete and udder CRAPOLAH.

I still don't get why I can't just get back into the swing of things and it's really starting to make me feel like a loser. *tear*

Moving on to happier things. Tomorrow is Tom's and my first trip away since the baby arrived. Well I suppose it's more bittersweet than just happy. We'll miss her like crazy but it will be nice to get away and have a date. We haven't done that in a while.

I'm fat.

And I don't mean the p-h-a-t kind. I mean the real f-a-t kind.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I need to lose about 50 pounds or so to get back to where I was at my lowest weight... And for some reason I have NO motivation. You would think that staying healthy for my baby or wanting a career in law enforcement would be enough. But no. It's not. I continue to eat bad food and too much of it. I don't exercise.

What happened?? I used to workout every morning. I'd lose 2-3 pounds a week. Now, after gaining 20 baby weight pounds (I've lost 40lbs water) I KNOW what I need to do. But I don't do it.

When I look in the mirror, I see a somewhat skinny face. But then I see a picture of me and I want to puke. I am a few pounds heavier than I was at my previous highest weight and it makes me sick. Why can't I just get with the program already????

duh

I started to write an entry earlier today and I realized that the only thing I was typing about was Ronyn. Didn't I say that this site was to be for me? Funny how babies can take up every thought you have, isn't it?

Now don't get me wrong. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. But I do not want to be one of those moms who talks about nothing but my child. I've read that, to keep your sanity as a parent, you need a life outside of the home - and I totally agree. I have tried to do that by playing softball on Tuesday nights. It is fun and all but I'd rather stay home with the family. Major contradiction, I know. I'm a work in progress.

We are so very excited for this weekend!! 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays! The past few years we have gone to our friends Chris & Jen's house to celebrate. But we can't go this year... we're going to Mike & Tracy's instead. It will be a good time as always. Sunday Tom & I are going to St. Louis for the Cubs/Cards game. I got him tickets in the Champion's Club for Christmas. We are so very excited!!! Monday morning we're going to Indianapolis... more to come on that later. I don't want to jinx anything.

what to write?

After making my last post I thought about all the things I could type out... and of course I have now forgotten most of it. Lots of stuff going through my head right now and I cannot for the life of me figure out a way to get it out. I have noticed that that is what happens when I try to be creative. I told you, I'm not good at this.

I have recently discovered a new favorite musician - Katy Perry. You've probably heard of her new single, "I kissed a girl." That's a catchy tune and all but there are some other OUTSTANDING songs on the album. I highly recommend checking her out.

Moving on to more important topics - our daughter!!! Ronyn Scarlett. She was born February 9, 2008 on her grandpa's birthday. I cannot believe that she is about 10 days away from being five months old. The time has FLOWN by!!! She has been such a blessing and she amazes us every single day. There is always something new!

Tom and I have now been married for 8 months or so... crazy to think that I had once thought I'd never be a wife. Add the title of 'mother' to that and I'm still a bit freaked. I once heard that after you get married everything changes - and in some cases, that's true. But I think that if you continue to love and support one another every day there is nothing you can't do together! We have lots of decisions to make about a lot of things but I know that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

where has the time gone?

So I honestly forgot that I had a blog... and then the other day my friend Emily's myspace post reminded me of this "hobby" that I tried to get myself into last year.

I am not a writer. Never claimed to be. But I will do my best at trying to use this site as an outlet for my thoughts, feelings, and quite honestly - randomness. And in the meantime, I'll try to let you all know what is going on with me.

My daughter arrived this year... HOLY CRAP! I have a baby. Tom and I are still in shock. Anyway. I have a website that gives all kinds of info and updates on her (click on picture at right to see) but I think I might need my own. So here you go.

There will most likely be another long and quite random post from me later today. It's time to get my design updated.